You know that I had been under-diagnosing my anxiety for probably over six months. Maybe even closer to 3/4 a year or so.
I was blaming all of this crappy feeling on allergies or sinus issues. Which, in my defense, I do have - but not nearly as severely as I was thinking.
I kept saying that my allergies were keeping me from breathing correctly.
Now I realize its because I am so physically tense, my lungs are constricted.
I had panic attacks. There were moments where it was so intense that I would call my best friend or my mom and cry to them to take me to the hospital because I needed a trained professional to tell me that I wasn’t really dying… so the doctor could confirm that I was only having a panic attack. Of course, talking to my best friend or my mom normally eased the attack enough that I could work my way down from the worst of it in a couple of hours without the visit to the ER.
But, I never quite grasped the fact that I have anxiety all.the.time.
Already, I can look back to several incidents and say, “Oh, duh, Sheila.”
You’d almost think that knowing you have anxiety would make it easier to control. Its almost a double edged sword, it makes me more anxious at times. I can’t wait for these anti-anxiety medications to take affect.
I spent most of my day having a conversation with myself, reminding me that these intense feelings I have are on their way out of here - these pills will work their magic soon. I have to remind myself to exhale completely… not hold my breath. I have to move my shoulders around so the muscles will loosen, then my shoulders will drop… amazing how they’re not supposed to be at ear level regularly, huh?
On the rare occasion that I get my muscles to truly relax, they throb like they’ve been worked out harder than every before. I have to remember that the throbbing is okay… that’ll lessen over time, otherwise I can work myself into a panic about fake symptoms of health issues that I do not have.
I’m sitting here, shaking my head at myself. Why did I allow myself to deal with this the hard way for so long? Ignoring the problem does not make it go away, by the way.
How did I not know how bad it was?
Yes, I am aware that there are temporary medications (Valium or Klonipin are a couple options) that could help me until the daily medications have reached their effectiveness. But, I’d prefer to not go that route - although I am keeping the option open.
I can make it a month.
Heck, I’ve already dealt with this for how long? 28 more days should be nothing, right?
Saturday, 7. June 2008
You can do it! You can! Is there any chance it will start to work sooner?
bluepaintred’s last blog post..Whee !*
Saturday, 7. June 2008
Yes, it can most definitely start working faster than 28 days. It may be as soon as two weeks, from what I’ve heard.
Sunday, 8. June 2008
Ok so here’s the thing about anxiety.
You know when you get one of those nasty 24 hour stomach bugs? The ones that just suddenly come over you and make you feel like absolute shit for hours and hours? Those bugs are not something you can ignore because you go from feeling just fine to feeling like you would happily go into a coma until it’s over.
Anxiety on the other hand creeps up on you very very slowly so you don’t even notice how bad it is because you are so used to feeling that way. It just seems normal to be always tense, always stressed out, worried, etc. So it’s no wonder that people can live with it for months or even years (like me) because they have no idea that what they’re experiencing isn’t just normal.
Then if you are lucky you get some kind of happy pill prescription, the anxiety goes away and you’re all…wooooow… this is how it feels to be normal. I can’t believe I put up with that crap for so long!
So, you definitely can look forward to feeling that way soon. Sometimes relief kicks in in just a few days. Sometimes you feel less anxious, but the medication’s side effects are so distracting and unpleasant that you don’t enjoy it until the side effects wear off (they usually do eventually). Sometimes you have to try out several meds before you find the “right” one. (This was the case for M, who had to take quite a few different meds and adjust the dosage several times before we figured out which one worked right for her.)
The important thing is that you did something. You took a step to improve your situation. That has taken a huge load off your tense shoulders already. Keep doing what you are doing - relax, and notice the effect it has on your body. Breathe deeply. Keep up the reassuring mental dialogue, and don’t let that annoying voice of doubt in your head blab crap at you all the time.
Oh and if you can find a place that offers low-cost massage therapy I highly recommend it!!!
Sunday, 8. June 2008
Vicki - Thank you for the words of wisdom. I will continue to probe your brain during this process to make sure that I am ‘normal’. You know… as normal as the blood line can be, anyhow.
Sunday, 8. June 2008
Think of me. Now think of ME having an anxiety attack.
I did, seriously. I took klonopin for like a year after we came back from MN. ‘Course, I only took .5 mg but it worked…mostly.
I developed a phobia of bridges (apparently you can develop them where there was none before…who knew?) after going through the living hell known as the SkyLane in Chicago…and then, since MN is so open, we were here in MA driving down this road where the trees met over the top and I had a freaking claustrophobic attack from hell…and I was friggin’ raised in MA!
After a year I stopped the klonopin but I still get belly fluttery things when I go over bridges. They just don’t progress beyond flutteries anymore….which is cool because driving while your heart is ready to explode out of your chest sucks ass.
So, the moral to the story…where I made your problem all about me and shit…is that the good drugs actually can fix you up and you might also someday be able to get off of them and feel pretty much ok. If you have a good attitude and don’t think “OMG! I’m fucking crazy!” you can do a lot to psych yourself into feeling lots better too.
Sunday, 8. June 2008
Miss Ann - I definitely agree that the mind is a powerful thing, and work daily to keep a positive vibe running through my head. Its helped me make it this far.
Thats crazy that you can develop a phobia like that… I’m glad its mostly under control, now!
Sunday, 8. June 2008
Somehow, just KNOWING that you’ve done something… that those feelings are “on their way out”… can have a pretty awesome placebo affect until the actual medication kicks in.
And the physical pain? That’s why I’m on $118 a fucking month because there is no generic version of it Cymbalta - because I had muscle pain CONSTANTLY.
I think it took me three weeks to realize it was gone. LOL
28 days…
Miss Britt’s last blog post..Sundays are for Legalized Prostitution
Sunday, 8. June 2008
Panic is the WORST. I took Klonopin for over 10 years. Amazingly, I didn’t get addicted. I hope your meds kick in soon. I’m so glad you finally received the help your poor body needed for the panic. 28 days…it’s nothing… in the end.
Lin’s last blog post..Two Years Ago and 200 Pounds Ago
Sunday, 8. June 2008
Miss Britt - I’m loving the placebo affect and trying to hold on to it as much as possible during this time period.
Lin - I agree completely, panic is the worst. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
Monday, 9. June 2008
My doc wants to wean me off Cymbalta! Just the thought gives me anxiety…
It took me over 30 years to realize that I wasn’t normal, that I had anxiety. For several years I suspected (no, I knew) that I had social anxiety, but one day out of the blue I realized that I just generally had anxiety about everything.
Nobody™’s last blog post..Nothing bad (yet)
Tuesday, 10. June 2008
I’ve had 1 panic attack like you described and I truly thought I was having a heart attack.
I agree with you, knowing you have anxiety is a blessing & a curse. Knowing what the problem is though, I believe that eventually is an advantage to overcoming it… or at least dealing with it successfully.
Have you tried meditation? I mean really, really basic meditation. I’ve found the kind where I chant (cuz that at least quiets my mind somewhat) is helpful.
Sheila, you are on the right path, no doubt.
jane’s last blog post..Oh, why not?
Tuesday, 10. June 2008
Jane - I hadn’t really thought of it as meditation, but I suppose that’s what I have been doing to make it this far without medication. I would clear my mind as best as possible, try to replace negative thought with positive and concentrate on slow deep breathing. It helped with keeping me away from the edge that sends me into the raging panic attacks, most of the time.
Tuesday, 10. June 2008
Nobody - Sorry, I missed your comment up there. I guess I knew I had anxiety for years and years, also. But, its just gotten out of hand in these last couple months. To the point that the people around me were suffering just as much as I was…. that was another reason I finally went for help.
Wednesday, 11. June 2008
I thought I was having a heart attack because I couldn’t breathe (after I had quit smoking!) After having a bazillion tests and MRI of heart, they found nothing. I was normal, except for anxiety. Meds work. I take them and now I only panic when I run out of toilet paper!
metalmom’s last blog post..Blue and Sheila Save the Day!
Thursday, 19. June 2008
A lady I used to work with had depression and the symptoms manifested themselves as sinus and/or allergy issues. I hope you feel better soon!