Wednesday, October 07th, 2009 | Author: Sheila

I went and visited my future camera again today.  It was heart wrenching to leave the Nikon D90 in the store, but it had to be done.

Alas, I have less than no money.  If being in the red is seen as a negative balance, and being in the black means you have money to spend, I’m sooo far in the red that I’m the prettiest baby pink color you’ve ever seen.

Tom had to go back to Best Buy today to return a purchase that didn’t work out the way he had anticipated.  He strongly urged me to stay away from the cameras so I would not leave the store in a mild depression.

But, I could not stay away.  I had to touch it.  I had to caress it.  I had to whisper sweet nothings into its memory card slot.  I tenderly and lovingly played with its settings.  Aah, its like we’re two peas in a pod, this Nikon D90 and I.  It fits my hand like a glove… better yet, it is an extension of my arm!

Tom suggested that I give the other cameras on the display a little loving, also.  How rude would it be to leave them completely untouched?!  So, I picked up each one gently and tried to communicate with them like I talk to the D90.  Sadly, they had no where close to the same feel, or sensation in my hands.  Its like they tried to communicate with me, but I could not hear what they had to say… like an angsty teenager trying to make a point to their parents.

I had to go back to the D90.  It suites me.  I suite it.  We are a magical pair.  We are destined to be together.  One day… one day in the distant distant future… perhaps the day before Armageddon, I hope to own this camera.  And I promise to get some kick butt shots of the end of the world when it happens.

Category: OMG  | 3 Comments
Sunday, October 04th, 2009 | Author: Sheila

I’ve been thinking about how to describe SCI difficulties with bowels without becoming too graphic.  Honestly, I don’t know if there’s a way.  I personally don’t have a problem with being graphic to explain these details.  Yet, I feel that Tom would… and, truly, I wouldn’t blame him at the least.

That being said, I don’t believe I’ll go into the ’step by step’ regarding bowel issues with a SCI.  I’ll just say that there is a routine involving a suppository that must be kept in order to avoid accidents.

The process that Tom and I go through has been nicknamed ‘Red Circle Night’ because I mark the scheduled days on the calendar with a red circle.  We also call it ‘Program’.

The act of ‘Red Circle Night’ is not enjoyable for Tom in any way.  He hates it.  With all of his being.  Actually, I don’t like it either.

I recall when Tom was in rehab down in Columbia, when the need came about for me to learn how to manage Tom’s program, I literally cried.  I was so upset that I was going to have to take on this task, knowing that Tom’s (and my) dignity was going to have to be set aside during these time periods.

Tom’s program lasts two hours on the nights we have it scheduled.  Its not a hands on process throughout those two hours.  Its a lot of timed intervals, watching the clock, and waiting.

We’ve just decided to change our previous schedule.  We used to do this process every third night.  Now we’ve decided to give a set schedule of Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday a whirl and see how it works out.

Not that you’re super interested, but I’ll keep you posted.

Sunday, October 04th, 2009 | Author: Sheila

Not being a quadriplegic, I can’t honestly say, but I would assume the worst part of a spinal cord injury would be the lack of bowel and bladder control.

I feel that if these two functions could be returned to those with a SCI, their quality of life would increase dramatically.

Without going into too many details, for Tom’s privacy, I will say that these two functions basically control his life.

Lets touch on bladder issues today. (Not that we’ve had any major bladder issues recently, mind you.)

We’ve been through multiple catheter issues, some that actually involve having to make a trip to the ER.  I don’t blame those in the medical community for thinking that we’re crazy when we call an ambulance if Tom’s catheter isn’t working correctly.  Very few people realize that, although the catheter issue itself isn’t life threatening, the reactions that Tom’s body has to the catheter not functioning could be very harmful.

Autonomic Dysreflexia, or AD, is something that most quadriplegics hope they never encounter.  The quick and simple analogy I use to explain AD is something like this:

Ya know when ya stub your toe, and it hurts?  When stubbing your toe, a signal goes up your leg, through the spinal cord, to your brain.  Your brain says, ‘way to go, slick, and cuz you’re stupid enough to stub your toe, I’m gunna send this signal back down there to make you realize you’re an idiot’.  When the signal goes back down to your toe, it quickly stops off at the heart and tells it to pump harder to get blood down to the stubbed toe – cuz as far as it knows, the toe has been cut off and it needs to heal pronto.  The signal finishes its trip down to the toe and you holler out in pain.  The blood makes it down to the toe, realizes it doesn’t really need to get there so quickly, and slows back down to normal.

Tom’s spinal cord is damaged, remember?  So, if Tom stubs his toe, the message makes it to his brain, but the message is in German and Tom’s brain doesn’t understand German.  Tom’s brain kinda freaks out.  It knows from the urgency of the German speak that there is a problem, but the brain isn’t quite sure where its at… or how bad it is.  So, the brain sends out messages to several areas below Tom’s injury level, hoping that it finds the spot that the German toe was trying to address.  The signal stops at the heart also, and tells the heart to get beating cuz there’s a problem somewhere.  Heart rate goes up.  Blood pressure goes up.  As soon as the signal finally gets to the toe, the brain reacts and slows down the heart again – since the toe isn’t missing or anything. Problem eventually solved.

Now, imagine your full bladder. You know, the one where you dance around until you get to the bathroom? Now, imagine the line to the bathroom is soooo long that you’re just not gunna be able to make it there. But, there is no other option available to relieve yourself. You’re miserable, right? If you hold it in too long, your blood pressure will actually rise because its trying to clue your body in, telling it that there’s a biiiig problem and you need to fix it now.

If Tom’s biiiiig problem doesn’t get fixed promptly, his blood pressure rises too. But, Tom’s blood pressure doesn’t have the same ‘mellow out’ switch that our bodies have – its been damaged from the SCI. Until whatever the situation is that made Tom’s blood pressure rise is resolved, his BP can continue to rise.

It is plausible to have a heart attack or stroke from high blood pressure.

Do you see the crazy issue here?

If Tom’s catheter is messed up so badly that we have to go to the ER, we are going because the situation needs to be resolved as quickly as possible so Tom’s blood pressure doesn’t start shooting through the roof, putting him at risk for a stroke or heart attack. All this could happen just because he couldn’t tinkle… strange, huh?

Tomorrow – we’ll attempt a socially acceptable post regarding bowels…

Tuesday, August 25th, 2009 | Author: Sheila

I was going to tell you about the whole purchasing and slow process of building the prefabbed shed, but I went to update my blog first and it stalled out on me.

I was going to tell you about the shirts I’m making for Fowler Fest and how I envisioned them being much more spectacular than I’m able to mass produce, but I got side tracked playing Keno on Facebook.

I was going to tell you about the new tattoo I got on the back of my neck, and how hard it is to not to scratch the area since I can’t see it to visually remind myself that it is there, but I started watching Scrubs instead.

I was going to tell you about the new roommate (TNR) and how happy we all are that he’s here, but my diet coke was empty and I needed to go get another one.

I was going to tell you about the state of disaster that my house is in, but the mess on my desk is interfering with my thought process.

I was going to tell you about my lower back hurting and how I should really go see Elizabeth’s dad (a chiropractor), but the cats needed to be fed.

And, I was going to write a decent blog post, but I wrote this instead.

Category: seriously?  | One Comment
Saturday, July 25th, 2009 | Author: Sheila

Tom and I were staring at our bank account the other day, wondering how to slide through until the beginning of the next month.

Like a lot of you out there, we’re definitely a paycheck to paycheck household. Sometimes we don’t quite make it from one check to the next, but we always survive.

This last time, though, Tom softly suggested, “Well, maybe I should sell my guitar.”

When he said that, I felt my heart drop.

Tom has three guitars, actually.

One he’s had for as long as I’ve been alive, literally. Its his 6 string acoustic that has been through every step of his life with him. His dad made a beautiful wooden case not too long ago so Betsy (his guitar) can proudly be displayed.

Another is a 12 string electric / acoustic. I bought Tom this one for Christmas a couple years before the accident. I think Tom pretty much freaked out when I gave it to him… and, if I do say so myself, it was a pretty awesome gift.

The third guitar is a black 6 string electric / acoustic that Tom bought himself shortly after he and I moved in together. Since he bought this one himself, he feels it is the most ‘disposable’ of the three.

“We could use the money, Sheila,” he said to me.

I shook my head no. “We’ll make it just fine till next payday. Don’t worry about it.”

“But, I can’t play it anymore. Its just taking up space.”

After a couple more exchanges similar to the ones above, I finally said, “I’m just not ready to do that.”

I can’t imagine selling Tom’s guitars. Ever, really. I know that they’re taking space. I know that he won’t be able to play them again. But, they’re memories – tangible, touchable memories. I can’t imagine just selling them to some stranger or something like that… Who knows how they would treat them!

I know this may not be completely logical to some people.

I mean, I understand its only a guitar.

But, its Tom’s guitar.

And, its meant to be Tom’s guitar.

And, I’m not ready to be done with it yet.

Tom playing guitar

Needless to say, I ended that discussion promptly.

The guitar will not be sold yet.

Because I’m not ready.

I think Tom is actually relieved that I’m not ready.

I could tell he wasn’t really ready either.

Category: Tom, photo  | 2 Comments
Saturday, July 25th, 2009 | Author: Sheila

I gotta lot of crap.

Tons, I tell you.

Can I get rid of any of it?

No. (That’s the simple answer.)

So, I finally thought of an idea to help create a little extra space in my tiny little world.

Okay, I didn’t think up the idea. Otherwise, I’d be a millionaire. No, instead, I helped the inventor become a millionaire by buying this:

vacuum bag sucker thingee that makes things smaller to store

vacuum bag sucker thingee that makes things smaller to store

to make these easier to store:

heavy thick blankets that we love but take up too much room

heavy thick blankets that we love but take up too much room

and these too:

even more blankets, cuz we need 132091238 of them

even more blankets, cuz we need 132091238 of them

So, you gotta cram your blankets into the bags, and then ya gotta find the hole, like so:

the hole to suck out all the air in the bag

the hole to suck out all the air in the bag

And, then this happens:

you are now witnessing the sucking action

you are now witnessing the sucking action

Finally, it ends up like this:

airless sucked bags - mucho smaller-o

airless sucked bags - mucho smaller-o

Which, makes Sheila’s small little world a little more spacier. Okay, notsomuch. But, it did help with some of the storage issues I was having.

Final product?

130123098123 sucked up blankets

130123098123 sucked up blankets

Now I wanna put everything into vacuum bags and suck all the air out!! Its entertaining, I promise you!

PS – Sponsored post? Really? Not at all. Not enough people read this blog for someone to pay me to post about this crap!

Tuesday, July 21st, 2009 | Author: Sheila

So, obviously, I had to try it out. I think its blurry, though. Oh well. Its not exciting anyway…
more…

Category: photo  | Leave a Comment